Saturday, March 13, 2010

Why I Hate Doing the Thing I Love

I've got a love/hate relationship going on with homeschooling. Yeah, I know it's the right thing to do, but sometimes I feel like I can't take the stress anymore. And I'm not talking about the daily stress of trying to get everything done around the house, take care of a baby and a toddler and teach two school-aged kids. I'm talking about the stress of comparing myself to other homeschoolers and feeling like I'm continually coming up short. It's like everyone else is in the know and I'm the only one who can't seem to figure this thing out. I know that's not true, but I still feel it. I hate wondering if my kids are behind because I'm not teaching them well enough or maybe they're just not as smart as the other kids. And I'd hate, hate, hate for my beautiful kids to ever feel that I think they're not smart enough. Because I know that my children are learning and their little souls are being feed and nurtured.

I know that Jesus has equipped me with everything I need to be a good teacher and mommy to these kids. But still I feel like a failure. I guess this is where the whole grace thing comes in. Even if/when I make mistakes, God's got me covered. He's not going to let my kids fall by the wayside because I'm not a perfect teacher. If He wants them to grow up to be well-learned, faithful disciples then He's going to make that happen- even if all He has to work with is little old me.

I can't fail. Even if all I can manage is a feeble attempt then God is going to take that and run with it. If He can create an entire human race from a pile of dirt, surely He can use me to mold my children into something beautiful.


james3v1 said...

We all feel this way from time to time, sister. Sometimes because other families have differing priorities, and sometimes just because the evil one tempts us with discontent.

The central question is this: if you children grow up to be trash collectors who love Jesus--is that enough? Yea I say it is more than enough. The tragedy is if they grow up and get into Harvard but deny the faith.

Teach them to love Jesus. Everything else is gravy.

Adiel said...

Thanks, James, that's really encouraging. I just wrote "Teach them to love Jesus. Everything else is gravy." on a card and taped above the sink where I'll see it. I have to remember that.

barb said...

Funny - I think every homeschooling mom I know has expressed these same fears to me at one time or another. You're not alone.