Why I Hate Doing the Thing I Love

I've got a love/hate relationship going on with homeschooling. Yeah, I know it's the right thing to do, but sometimes I feel like I can't take the stress anymore. And I'm not talking about the daily stress of trying to get everything done around the house, take care of a baby and a toddler and teach two school-aged kids. I'm talking about the stress of comparing myself to other homeschoolers and feeling like I'm continually coming up short. It's like everyone else is in the know and I'm the only one who can't seem to figure this thing out. I know that's not true, but I still feel it. I hate wondering if my kids are behind because I'm not teaching them well enough or maybe they're just not as smart as the other kids. And I'd hate, hate, hate for my beautiful kids to ever feel that I think they're not smart enough. Because I know that my children are learning and their little souls are being feed and nurtured.

I know that Jesus has equipped me with everything I need to be a good teacher and mommy to these kids. But still I feel like a failure. I guess this is where the whole grace thing comes in. Even if/when I make mistakes, God's got me covered. He's not going to let my kids fall by the wayside because I'm not a perfect teacher. If He wants them to grow up to be well-learned, faithful disciples then He's going to make that happen- even if all He has to work with is little old me.

I can't fail. Even if all I can manage is a feeble attempt then God is going to take that and run with it. If He can create an entire human race from a pile of dirt, surely He can use me to mold my children into something beautiful.

Warning: Learning Ahead

Warning: If you start teaching human anatomy to a four-year-old and five-year-old be prepared to hear things like: "I have to go empty my bladder now!" or "Evangeline emptied her intestines!" Or they may just start punching themselves in the head to show you how hard their skull or "bone helmet" is.

But on the plus side you'll discover how useful some parts of our body really are. For example, my kids love the fact that we wouldn't be able to stand right if we didn't have phalanges on our feet. It's a toss up whether pretending to not have toes and falling down is more fun than just saying "phalanges." Oh, and I never knew that such an uncute word such as "vertebrae" can suddenly become adorable when a four-year-old says it.

And while Lily is much more accurate than her brother when locating her femur bones, Malachi's impression of blood grabbing and soaking up oxygen from the lungs is quite a sight to be seen. At this point, I don't know if our decision to homeschool our kids is for their benefit or simply for the entertainment value. Either way, you can't get this kind of schooling anywhere other than the Gardner School of Life.