I was sitting in church yesterday thinking about all the time and energy I put into making myself clean and presentable that morning. I took care to shower and do my hair and pick out a nice outfit. I made sure I was in a good mood so I could smile and chat with other people at church. And I sat there all prim and polished, as we confessed our sins before God and admitted how worthless and vile we are.
But I didn't feel worthless and vile. I was clean. I didn't even have cracker crumbs on my shirt dropped by some messy child. I put on my best face this morning and now I was supposed to focus on how not nice I am.
I'm totally convinced of my sinfulness and perverted nature. But on Sunday mornings I feel clean and pulled together- well, most of the time I do, anyway. So I was just thinking what difference it would make it I showed up for corporate worship in my sweats with my hair disheveled and greasy and feeling grumpy in general. What difference would that make in my worship? When I'm sitting at home having a quiet time with God, I feel more real and unappealing. And sometimes, on the flip side, I feel so guilty sitting in church with everyone else looking so neat and pulled together and when I compare myself with them I feel filthy- even though I look just as nice as they do right then. So why do we get all dressed up for church? I mean, I understand the idea of being properly dressed for meeting with our God, but still.... How am I supposed to be real when I'm all dolled up?
I was trying to bring these thoughts together for a coherent blog post, but I'm finding I'm having a hard time doing that. Does any of this make sense? Does anyone else feel similarly? Any thoughts, anyone?