About Saying Goodbye

I suppose it’s all about saying goodbye
And that feeling in your throat when you have to cry
Big brother moved away- farther than I’d known
Even with the six of us I still felt so alone
I remember when Mom’s dad was sick and so weak
I can still feel where the tears ran on my cheek
We were snuggled on Mom’s bed when she told us he would die
I asked a lot of questions, all of them wondering “why?”
My grandma also early left this gray place
Dad collapsed in Mom’s arms, grief etched on his face
Nieces and nephews never born, never met
The grief then captured us like a twisting invisible net
Then came the day my mommy’s heart stopped beating
She lay in bed where the machines kept her breathing
I was at home when the call came: “Come say goodbye.”
The prayers I prayed then- desperate- did my God deny
Every time I feel the sting of Death’s sharp knife
I think I can’t take much more before it claims my own life
I’ll never forget mourning the death of my baby- the one I’d never hold
“It gets easier. You’ll laugh again.” that’s what I was told
It’s true that I laugh now and feel joy once again
But I’ll never in this life be rid of the pain
The pain of conquered death so real, so real
The pain of a broken heart, too scarred to fully heal
My hope is sure, I know my hope will come to be
My hope is of a perfect life- a life that was bought for me
There will be no more goodbyes in the land of my king
My tears will be gone then and I’ll forever sing
But I’m not there yet and it hurts to be here
As I continue to lose all that I hold dear
So for now I suppose it’s all about saying goodbye
And that feeling in your throat when you have to cry

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

A Christian Jew singing about delighting in the Sabbath- with a techno beat. Check it out here.

Yeah, I've heard better techno music, but Aviad Cohen (the artist formerly known as 50 Shekel) still ranks pretty high on my spiffyness meter just for doing what he does.

Angels Shop at Wal-Mart

I am convinced that even though Wal-Mart may have certain Babylonian tendencies, God enjoys using it as a teaching place for me. On many occasions I have been struck with some thought or experience of God during my shopping excursions to Wal-Mart. I’d like to share a few of these with you.

When I was pregnant with Evangeline I mostly got my “morning” sickness in the evenings. So there I was, doing our grocery shopping and feeling like I was going to either pass out or throw up- whichever came first- in the cereal aisle and I was trying to find a cereal that I could stomach. I usually live on cereal when I’m pregnant so this was an important food to me at the time. I felt daunted by the varieties of cereals (and let’s not forget the feeling of impending puking) so I desperately prayed, “God, show me which cereal to get!” Immediately, my eyes fell on a green box of Chex cereal. I grabbed it, thanked God, and continued with my shopping. I knew in that moment that God is intimately concerned with even the most seemingly mundane details of my life. He knew how miserable I felt and how overwhelmed I was by the simple chore of picking out a cereal so He divinely picked out a cereal for me and in that way, He showed me that He loves me.

Usually when I shop at Wal-Mart, I feel tense because I’m trying to not spend too much money while still getting good things for my family. I’m constantly feeling tempted by all the racks of clothing I shouldn’t buy, the special foods that don’t fit in our budget, the cute toys I know the kids would enjoy, etc. I feel the temptations of the world bombarding me as I shop at Wal-Mart. And even if the temptations aren’t obvious to me at the time, I know they are always there. Until I step into the parking lot, that is. Wal-Mart’s parking lot is big enough to build an entire neighborhood on and the sky over it is as big as Montana. As soon as I step out of the store the beauty and breadth of the sky takes my breath away and I am reminded that life is not shopping and buying and attaining things, but rather it is glorifying the Creator of so awesome a sight. I can feel the glory of God as His artwork hangs over the Wal-Mart parking lot.

Since I recognize the many temptations that face me at Wal-Mart, I try to pray each time that I prepare to go to that store. One evening, as I was walking from my van to the store I was praying when I felt a sudden jolt in my spirit. I felt like my eyes were opened and as I looked at the other people about to enter the store with me, I realized that I was different from them. I realized that I am not just another shopper at Wal-Mart. I am a child of Yahweh. I felt like I should be glowing for all the glory that lives inside me. I looked at the other shoppers and I wanted them to have this glory, too.

Now, maybe these stories seem a little odd to you. Maybe you think I’m seeing too much into things and making a big deal out of nothing. I suppose that’s possible except for this- I know my God the way I do because of what He shows me when I shop at Wal-Mart. Of course, He speaks more fully in the preaching of the Word and in Bible reading. If this was the only place I ever listened to God then I’d have some serious problems, indeed! But for some reason God chose Wal-Mart, of all places, to show me how real He is and to impress certain truths on my heart. Now when I’m having a frustrating time trying to get dinner on the table or some such thing I remember that God helped me pick out some breakfast cereal so surely He cares about each and every detail and He can even help me get dinner on the table.

How does all this work? Is it Jesus who walks with me as I push my cart? Or does He send an angel or two with me every time I go to Wal-Mart? I don’t know how this works, but I don’t need to know. All I need is to know and understand that the God I serve is so big that He can reveal Himself to His people using the most unlikely tools. He can even use Wal-Mart.

Happy Birthday, Spidey!

Yesterday was dubbed Spider-man's birthday in at our house. We had a lovely party for him. He really enjoyed seeing himself on the birthday banner and having his own birthday cake. He was so excited that he needed help blowing out the candles.
Apparently, the excitement was too much for him since he couldn't even eat his cake. He did like looking at it, though.
Happy Birthday, Spider-man!

Lord's Day Quote

I heard the voice of Jesus say, “Come unto Me and rest;
Lay down, thou weary one, lay down Thy head upon My breast.”
I came to Jesus as I was, weary and worn and sad;
I found in Him a resting place, and He has made me glad.

I heard the voice of Jesus say, “I am this dark world’s Light;
Look unto Me, thy morn shall rise, and all thy day be bright.”
I looked to Jesus, and I found in Him my Star, my Sun;
And in that light of life I’ll walk, till traveling days are done.

Hymn by Horatius Bonar

Onward and Upward

I recently posted this over at MovingTruth.com and I thought I'd pull a Seth cheater move and get two posts for the price of one.

I think everyone here at Moving Truth agrees that as Christians we have the great privilege and responsibility to mimic our Creator by being creative and sharing that creativity with the world. What I have been recently struck with is the thought that it is also our responsibility to improve our efforts in our art. God never wants anything to stagnate. If we are to be growing in our knowledge and love for Him doesn’t it follow that we are to grow in our creativity, too? I’m not saying that we should all join a class or buy a stack of instructional books and attempt to reach impossible standards , but rather that we should avoid becoming lazy and complacent in our art. I feel that I all too often settle for doing something half-hearted. “I’m too busy” or “I’m too tired” are usually my excuses. While it’s true that a busy life does leave a limited time frame for working and experimenting with one’s art , it should never be an excuse for laziness.

I am a wife, a homemaker and a mommy to three adorable, but rambunctious little kids so, yeah, my time is not my own. But I am also an artist. If God has seen fit to bless me with my talents then I will strive to do my best to use these talents to bring glory to Him and to further His kingdom. I do not have the time, resources, or knowledge that some have to pursue art, but I will not let that be an excuse to bury my talents in the ground.

I’m certainly not saying that anyone here is guilty of this. Everything I’ve seen of this site shows quite the opposite, in fact. But I figured that since complacency is a temptation for me that other artists may struggle with it, too. This responsibility to improve in our creative arts is great, but if we are faithful with what God has entrusted to us then we will reap many, many blessings.

My New Photo Blog

I know, I know, yet another blog is exactly what this world doesn't need, but while I do enjoy writing about life and laundry and posting it on the pinkness, I really wanted to display my artwork on a more subdued background. Hence, the new blog. I don't expect to be do much writing on that blog (if any) so at least I'm not adding one more thing for you all to read. Whenever you have a moment just meander on over to Captured Light and see a little bit of what I see.

Sabbath Quote

Lead on, O King eternal,
The day of march has come;
Henceforth in fields of conquest
Thy tents shall be our home.
Through days of preparation
Thy grace has made us strong;
And now, O King eternal,
We lift our battle song.

Lead on, O King eternal,
Till sin’s fierce war shall cease,
And holiness shall whisper
The sweet amen of peace.
For not with swords’ loud clashing,
Nor roll of stirring drums;
With deeds of love and mercy
The heavenly kingdom comes.

Lead on, O King eternal,
We follow, not with fears,
For gladness breaks like morning
Where’er Thy face appears.
Thy cross is lifted over us,
We journey in its light;
The crown awaits the conquest;
Lead on, O God of might.

Hymn by Ernest W. Shurtleff

The Best Part of My Family

Yesterday Lily and I were talking about what a family is. I was explaining how families have daddies and mommies and brothers and sisters and grandpas and grandmas when Lily interrupted me with, “And Miss Barbs? Families have Miss Barbs.” I laughed and answered that not every family gets to have a Miss Barb. Having a Miss Barb is a very special thing that only a few families get to enjoy and we agreed that we were very blessed to have one as part of our family.

Maybe you’re one of the few families that have a Miss Barb or maybe you’ve not been blessed with one, but one thing is for certain- our Miss Barb is the Best.

Happy Birthday, Gaby!

You know how there are some people that you can be yourself around? You know how those certain people are themselves around you? You know how rare these people are? You know how special a thing it is to know someone like that?
Well, I know someone like that.

Gaby, thank you for being that someone for me. I love you, baby sister. May this new year of your life be full of wonder.

Happy Birthday, Gaby!

Of Minor Interest

Now you can say you've heard a French Rap Song.

And if it sounds familiar, you probably heard it here first.

The dance in the second link is a form of Capoeira. Check it out here.

Well, at least I find this all interesting. ;)

I Can SO Relate

(click on comic to see full-sized)

An Excerpt From Spurgeon's Morning Devotional

"I remember thee."
-- Jeremiah 2:2

Let us note that Christ delights to think upon his Church, and to look
upon her beauty. As the bird returneth often to its nest, and as the
wayfarer hastens to his home, so doth the mind continually pursue the
object of its choice. We cannot look too often upon that face which we
love; we desire always to have our precious things in our sight. It is
even so with our Lord Jesus...
Many a time before his incarnation,...the Son of Man visited his people. Because his soul
delighted in them, he could not rest away from them, for his heart
longed after them....
We may often forget to meditate upon the perfections of our Lord, but he never ceases to remember us.

Get Charles Spurgeon's MORNING & EVENING in a daily email HERE.

A Lullaby

This is a song that Joshua and I are trying to get into musical form. I wanted to share the lyrics now, though I'm sure I will have to polish and edit them quite a bit. If we ever succeed in our endeavors then I'll try to post a video of it being sung.

Lullaby

The day has found its end
I’ve bid the sun adieu
He only shone on emptiness
While the faithless struggled through
My sword lies heavy at my side
My battered eyes finally in their repose hide

Chorus:
He sings me to sleep
A haunting melody
He frees my dreams to prance
And they dance among the stars

And the battle rages on
And I carry on

My shield is worn and damaged, too
But it’s carried the blows that brought me to You
He rests my weary soul
And His hand brushes my face
His breath it warms my soul
And I carry on

(Chorus)

And the battle rages on
And I carry on

A Look in a Mirror

Today Lily threw a temper tantrum which involved screaming and a matchbox car flying through the air. Now, as tantrums go, this one wasn't too terrible, but my little girl did remind me of a certain former little girl who had quite a temper, too. I saw that she was out of control, so before starting the discipline process I just held her in my arms until she was calm.

"Get it together, Lily. Calm down," I said. She responded, "I can't! Please help me."

In that moment, I saw myself as a child in my dad's arms as he soothed me after a tantrum of my own and I knew that I needed to do for my daughter what my parents did for me. I needed to help her.

It is my great responsibility to help my children to fight temptation. I need to help them to fight the temptation to be selfish, to complain, to be lazy and more. This is the responsibility of every parent and yet so many parents do not take this seriously. It is a little frightening to dwell on this responsibility because of the great "what if": What if we fail?

"Was I a fool to even take on this whole parenting job?" I ask myself. "Can I handle it?" Well, if it were all up to me, then yes, I would fail. Unquestionably. But the same God who gave to Joshua and me these children will also see to it that they are raised in the way He designed for them. He has and will give us the strength, wisdom and grace to care for these young souls.

So today I cry to my Heavenly Daddy, "I can't! Please help me." And He will. I know it.

And maybe there are things I should be doing to make it easier to do my job. Perhaps a good option would be for me to take Lily's advice. After she calmed down enough to speak after her tantrum, she spoke these words of wisdom: "Why don't we just get rid of Malachi?"

Just Because it's Cute

Malachi- Thank Goodness There's Only One of Him

This is his "I'm innocent- really, don't I look innocent?" face. Usually this face is surrounded by a mess that I need to clean up.Unfortunately, I see this face quite often.

The Amazing Lily!

She may look dainty, but this little Lily is a mini muscle girl! There is only about a three pound difference between Lily and Malachi (Lily being the heavier one) and yet she can carry him! Can you lift your own body weight?

A Thing of Beauty (really just a nag in disguise)

Well, we've finally finished our latest renga. Check it out:

gray sky
yellow lamplight
shining on my book

mere letters on paper
creating stories

stories come to live
as companions in my head
chiselled from the mist

friends I’ve never met
treasured moments that never happened

lonely with my dreams
waiting for my someday friend
this time maybe real

a hand to touch mine
a heart to know mine

laughing as one
thoughts intertwined
it wasn’t even that funny

fleeting moments twined to life
with echoes of laughter

rolling away
watching them go
wanting these moments back

rolling on to eternity
waiting for us there

today just a glimpse
of the forever light
shines through the cracks

Hands warmed by the light
turn to grip the sword

I really, really like this one. Notice how it begins and ends with two different lights. There is a sense of longing that develops throughout the poem, which then turns to hopefulness and finally ends as a call to fight for that which we hope for. I find this renga to be moving and very beautiful. All of this is to say: The next time Raquel starts a renga- join in! The more people contribute, the more diverse our poems will be. Come on and write with us! Why don't you?

Thanks to Raquel for starting and maintaining the Renga Blog!

Public Opinion Poll

I've heard the question asked: Would you rather be invited to a house that is clean and organized or to one that is slightly messy, but the occupants are most welcoming? I think many people would choose the latter, but what about those homes that are so messy and disorderly that they are unpleasant to be in even with a warm, welcoming host? But then, we've all been in houses that are so clean and sterile that you're afraid to sit down for fear of disturbing the meticulously arranged throw pillows. So my question is this:


How important is cleanliness to you as a guest?

One reason I'm asking this question is because I'm attempting to reach that perfect balance between a tidy and pleasant home and the realities of having children who enjoy wreaking havoc on whichever room they are in (and some they're not in!)
I'd love to get some male opinions in here, too. So tell me, what do you think?