Friday, May 12, 2006

My Thoughts

(This is one of those posts that I'm not too sure about posting. Sometimes being honest is a scary thing.)

Mother’s day is in two days. I find that I am having a hard time coming up with the right words to express how I feel about that day so I will have to rely on pictures and quotes to speak for me.

Lay down your sweet and weary head
Night is falling- you have come to journey’s end
Sleep now and dream of the ones that came before
They are calling from across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see- all of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You’re only sleeping

What can you see on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea a pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn to silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don’t say we have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

And you’ll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

-From the Return of the King soundtrack

I hate the taste of tears
It makes me think of pain
Of pieces of my shattered heart
Flowing through my veins

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: I hurt. I miss my mommy. I hate Mother’s day.
Well, I guess I can find the words to express how I feel. I don’t think I’ll always feel like this. Perhaps a day will come that my heart won’t shrivel up at the sound of Mother’s day’s approach. Maybe someday, but not today.


Gabrielle said...

After the last tear falls
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

Fritz The Grand said...

Do you ever stop and think really hard, just so you can come up with the perfect thing to say? The phrase or words that will take all the pain away and make things better?

I don't think those words exist. I have been told innumerable times that bad things that have happened are God's will.

Sometimes it helps, sometimes I don't even feel like the speaker even believes it.

Not a thing occurs on this planet or in this universe that God did not ordain in advance. Not a blade of grass dying is not done for our eventual good.

At Carrie's grandfather's burial, Pastor Ed made the excellent point that you don't care about a place until someone you love is there.

Did any of us care about or even know where Peoria is until Seth and Crystal and Company moved there?

Heaven became much more real to all of us I think since our Mother moved there. And if Heaven is more real, then God and His promises are more real.

I don't know if I'm jsut speaking for myself or for anyone else, but I believe God's promises more than ever because of July 19th, 2003.

barb said...

I understand your feelings about Mothers' Day completely. My mom's been dead for almost 12 years and it's only been the last 2-3 Mothers' Days that I haven't dreaded the day.

There were many times I just "ditched" church on Mothers' Day because I didn't want to be reminded of what I didn't have. I didn't want to be around so many people celebrating while I was grieving.