As you, my faithful readers, well know my husband, Joshua, and I have two beautiful little kids. And you also know that we are eagerly anticipating the day that God will add more little tykes to our family. Here’s where it gets complicated. Late last year, in the beginning of October I had a tubal pregnancy and we lost that little baby. Any medical professional will tell you that once someone has an ectopic pregnancy the chances of it happening again are greater than in someone who has never experienced one. So here I am, impatient to be holding a little baby again and yet I’m scared. What if it happens again?
Naturally, I’ve been praying about this a lot. The more I pray the more Jehovah has been giving me peace. I keep telling myself to trust Him- He’s never failed me yet. But what I HAVEN’T been saying to myself is: “ Don’t worry, God won’t let it happen again.” Because you see, it may very well happen again. I am not saying this out of bitterness or despair, but simply out of honesty. Yes, it may be my loving Father’s will that my heart break again as we lose another baby. It may be His will that Joshua and I never again know the joy of holding a newborn child of ours. But then perhaps it is His will that we will be blessed with thirteen more healthy babies that will grow into Godly disciples. I don’t have a clue what He has planned for our family, but I do know that whatever it is will more beautiful than I can imagine. And I need to remember that beautiful does not always mean painless.
So as I have been praying for a healthy baby to hold and love I’ve also been praying that God would do whatever is in His perfect will to do. And I pray for the grace to be able to accept it.
Having opened my heart to you all and showed you my fears, will you please pray for us? Pray that we really would trust Jehovah with the future of this family. Pray also that He would indeed grant us our desire for another child. And then watch with us as we wait to see what our good God will do.