Thursday, September 07, 2006

Cosby Quotes

These are some quotes from Bill Cosby’s book Fatherhood. I’ll keep posting them as I enjoy rereading this classic that every parent should read at least once.

No, immortality was not the reason why my wife and I produced these beloved sources of dirty laundry and ceaseless noise. And we also did not have them because we thought it would be fun to see one of them sit in a chair and stick out his leg so that another one of them running by was launched like Explorer I. After which I said to the child who was the launching pad,
“Why did you do that?”
“Do what?” he replied.
“Stick out your leg.”
“Dad, I didn’t know my leg was going out. My leg, it does that a lot.”
If you cannot function in a world where things like this are said, then you better forget about raising children and go for daffodils.

All five [of my children] ran to the same car door, grabbed the same handle, and spent the next few minutes beating each other up. Not one of them had the intelligence to say, “Hey, look. There are three more doors.” The dog, however, was already inside.

About childbirth...

Meanwhile, [the doctor] was still sitting there, waiting for the delivery.
“Look!” I suddenly said. “Isn’t that the head?”
“I believe it is,” he replied.
“Well, go get it.”
“It’s stuck.”
“Then get the salad spoons, man.”
So he got the salad spoons, the baby came out, and my wife and I were suddenly sharing the greatest moment in our lives. This was what we had asked God for, this was what we wanted to see if we could make. And I looked at it lovingly as they started to clean it off, but it wasn’t getting any better.
And then I went over to my wife, kissed her gently on the lips and said, “Darling, I love you very much. You just had a lizard.”

1 comment:

Seth Ben-Ezra said...

About once a year, around the point that we are ready to murder all our children and end up in the national media, we rent Bill Cosby's "Himself" and laugh hysterically while we remember that it's not just us.