About Saying Goodbye

I suppose it’s all about saying goodbye
And that feeling in your throat when you have to cry
Big brother moved away- farther than I’d known
Even with the six of us I still felt so alone
I remember when Mom’s dad was sick and so weak
I can still feel where the tears ran on my cheek
We were snuggled on Mom’s bed when she told us he would die
I asked a lot of questions, all of them wondering “why?”
My grandma also early left this gray place
Dad collapsed in Mom’s arms, grief etched on his face
Nieces and nephews never born, never met
The grief then captured us like a twisting invisible net
Then came the day my mommy’s heart stopped beating
She lay in bed where the machines kept her breathing
I was at home when the call came: “Come say goodbye.”
The prayers I prayed then- desperate- did my God deny
Every time I feel the sting of Death’s sharp knife
I think I can’t take much more before it claims my own life
I’ll never forget mourning the death of my baby- the one I’d never hold
“It gets easier. You’ll laugh again.” that’s what I was told
It’s true that I laugh now and feel joy once again
But I’ll never in this life be rid of the pain
The pain of conquered death so real, so real
The pain of a broken heart, too scarred to fully heal
My hope is sure, I know my hope will come to be
My hope is of a perfect life- a life that was bought for me
There will be no more goodbyes in the land of my king
My tears will be gone then and I’ll forever sing
But I’m not there yet and it hurts to be here
As I continue to lose all that I hold dear
So for now I suppose it’s all about saying goodbye
And that feeling in your throat when you have to cry